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Real Words that Work - How engaging is your writing?

How engaging is your writing?

How would you react to the following invitation I recently received? 

"I am looking to network with innovative leaders whose organizations have invested in their human 'assets' by implementing a multitude of performance enhancements.” 

If you immediately decided you wanted to keep a good, safe kilometre or two between you and someone who describes people as human “assets,” then neither of us will cross paths with this seeker of networks.

Guideline:
Use real, warm words if you want to engage readers, not cold abstract terms with no hint of humanity.

Fix:
I’d like to connect with leaders who believe in the value of training and rewarding their employees. 

At least, I think that’s what the writer meant. “Implementing a multitude of performance enhancements” could be read a dozen different ways. If readers can form a mental picture from your words, you have a chance of engaging them. Confuse them, and they will quickly hit the delete key.



Patricia Davies www.patriciadavies.com is an award-winning writer and editor, an Endorsed Education Provider with IIBA, and a regular panelist on the IIBA Communications Webinar (first Tuesday of every month). Have you got a writing question? Please email to IIBAnewsletter@IIBA.org and we’ll try to address it in a future column or Webinar.